Shame Shame

I have only had two purchases from the shocker store! Both from Florida! Somethings wrong with this picture. I got Krunk Kups too!

Come buy yourself a Krunk Kup or T-Shirt, Hoodie, Thong, Wall Clock or something. I need... well I don't really need the money, but I'd like to have it.

THE SHOCKER STORE MOFO!

Arena Football is Here! Did Anyone Notice?

Did you know that season tickets for Kansas City Brigade are only $72! Thats 8 dorra a game! The only question is... was it all worth it? Well, let's take a look at some of the rules.

Touching the wall doesn't make you out of bounds, but if a defender touches you while you're touching the wall you are. What the fuck is that?

The field is only 50 yards long. This means more scoring. Exiting for drunks like me.

There is no punting. Good, 1 less pussy kicker on the team.

Most players play both offense and defense. Thats right, work for your money bitches!

The clock doesn't stop for first downs, incomplete passes and other things that would stop the clock in the NFL. Good, lets get this over with!

Because of the amount of scoring there are too many goddamn commercials by the way.

Now, with these rules in place, it becomes extremely hard to make a defensive stop. When a team does make a stop or two it becomes even more difficult for the team that falls behind to come back.

So the question is... is that shit worth it or not? Is it worth $8 a game and $6 a beer? Let me know what you think by leaving a comment.

Check out ArenaFootball.com for more information.

Why Don't I Have Boobs?

Sounds a little weird I know, but hear me out... Do you ever wonder why your lady friends have more money than you? No I didnt think so. Look around next time you go to a restraunt or bar and see how the male waiters and female waiters do things. Here's what you will see:

A)Guys - The guys' technique is and always has been to load everyone up with booze. Booze loosens people's pockets up and raises the bill so that 15% or in some cases less (cheap bastards) will be higher. The problem with this technique is that not everyone drinks, especially during the day. As a result, this can be hit and miss.

B)Girls - Like the guys, females have developed a technique of their own... and it works! I'm sure you've noticed, especially if you have a penis, what the technique is. It's called "Look at me, I have BOOBS!" and it'll getcha every time. The ladies tend to do a lot of bending over your table and standing VERY close to you so that you become so engulfed in boobie thoughts and not care that you handed her a 20 instead of a 5. The problem here is, unlike booze, the boobs work on the people who pay the check, the guys. I mean c'mon Hooters is built on this idea.

So, to conclude I would just like to say, I wish I had boobs so I could get free stuff and make easy money.

John "Muthafuckin" Roberts

Is anyone else watching this shit on TV? Its hard to tell where the hell this guy is getting his answers from. The "answers" he gives arent even the ones to the questions he's being asked. What a duechebag. Viva La Resistance!

Information for the Masses (of people who like drugs)

I dont know exactly what made this come to mind, but I've been using a website to get information about any kind of drug I come in contact with and want to know more about. The site is full of REAL information, which I have verified on many occassions.

Think cough medicine is a cool drug to get fucked up on? Well shit, they even have information on that and links to sites that tell you which kinds are the safest! The site also includes information on legal status of each drug.

Thats all for now enjoy............

EROWID.ORG!

Back to Freakin' School

It's "back to school time" for all you sorry bastards out there (and me) and you know what that means... Time to still not do your homework. Also, its time to sit in on hour long lectures (sometimes longer) and labs and pretend that your listening and not banking on the fact that the guy/or girl, no need to be sexist, next to you is gonna have the answers.

It also means it's drama time. All the bitches and ho's (yes that's guys and girls in case your wondering) who never mentally got out of Jr. High will have the perfect opportunity to gather and cause petty little problems and cry over their meaningless arguments as if their lives are over.

What Ive started to do now is simple... after 2 years of college I have come up with an ingenious plan. I wait to buy my books, sometimes 3-4 weeks into the class, to see if I think I'm going to pay enough attention in this class to pass anyway. If I decide no, I don't buy the book because I'll never be able to sell it back before the new edition comes out 3 days later. And sometimes I sit in class for a while and decide not to buy the book because I think the class is going to be way too easy for me to waste my money on that peice of shit.

I also decided to take a break schedule wise. I decided on Phsyics, Accounting, PolySci, and Golf. That's right, fucking GOLF, it's a real class and I get real credits for it. Thank god for Longview.

More for ya later... bitches!

What the?

Yea, so I haven't written anything in a while. I kind of just got lazy and didn't do shit for a month. Im still lazy so Im going to sleep.

It's Absinthe Day!

Hey, sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I went to a concert this weekend and got really badly sunburned. Didn't do anything but go to work. Anyway, here goes...

Yes, you read right, it's ABSINTHE DAY at the shocker house. It's like nudie magazine day in Billy Madison over here. I'm all set to get my fuckin drink on. I got some advice from a few of you and the very helpful proprieter of the Blanket Hog Blog (which is linked to under fellow shockers on the right sidebar).

I will have a full report of my experiences available soon! Enjoy Bitches!

Mike Tyson Is Back

Oh yeah, I said it, Iron Mike is back for more. This asshole, for one, couldn't be happier. When was the last boxing match you could get exited about? Now add to it the Iron Mike factor, can't think of it, BRAIN ANURISM!

The festivities have already begun, with Mike telling someone in the Kevin "The Clones Colossus" McBride camp to stop talking because he was going to kill him otherwise. He then proceeded to let him get out a couple more words before informing us he would "gut him like a fish." Yes Mike, this is what I want to hear, keep it up.

Now, I am in no way suggesting that Mike will win. God knows he'll get leveled if he's in the same shape he was in for the Lewis fight. The fun thing about Mike is that he's FUCKING INSANE. I for one hope to see a pummeling.

Oh, and GO SPURS!

The Internet Pisses Me Off

Ok, so it's been a while since I've had a real post. Whatcha gonna do about it? Well, anyway, I hate the internet. There is nothing more annoying in my life than the computer that sits feet from where I sleep. Well not so much the computer as the internet I connect to through it.

Part I - Pop Ups Pop ups are the worst kind of assrape offered on the internet. Whoever came up with the idea needs to be shot. Think about it, has there been one time in your life where you were surfing the net and thought, "Hey, I'd like an entire page to pop up above the one I'm looking at so that I have to take just a few seconds of my life to get rid of that fucker."? Didn't think so. It's my belief that any company advertising through pop ups should be shut down for lack of any ethics whatsoever.

Part II - Misleading The Public Have you ever run across (on a perfectly respectable looking site) and ad that showed or offered something at no cost to you that you might be interested in only to click on it and find out that you have to sign up for the deal then complete other deals in order to complete the first original deal that you don't really want anymore anyway? Yes you have, and it's ok.

Part III - Interactive Ads Any time you see a banner or something like one that has a "game" like shoot George W. or run from the paparazzi look out! It's all a ploy to get you to their website so they can continue to assrape you like they have been doing to others for years. They will also use the tactics discussed above.

Part IV - Rebates Rebates Rebates Some ads offer ridiculous rebates on their products which makes the price too good to be true. The reason for this is that the original product costs so much that no one would want to buy it, unless they get a delicious rebate that is! Well, sorry to inform you, but you've been fucked again. You're not seeing one penny of that rebate no matter what you do.

Part V - Tips For Not Getting Raped (In Da Butt) So how do you know what not to click? The problem is that you can never tell what's bullshit and what?s real on the internet. So I'm gonna give you a few pointers...

Any advertisement that has sound is bullshit, don't click it.

Any advertisement that pops up (in front or behind of what you're doing is bullshit, close it.

Any advertisement with moving, interactive parts is bullshit, don't play their game.

Any advertisement offering something for nothing is bullshit, no one gives or recieves something for nothing, deal with it.

Any advertisement that says it can make you money is bullshit, they're lying and they're also counting on you to be to stupid to know it.

Any advertisement offering software for free and doesn't come from the original manufacturer is bullshit, if you download it you'll have a virus, and I will laugh

So, all together I'd have to say I really like the internet. But what do I hate? If you can't figure that out after reading this long piece of shit you deserve to have pop ups ravage your computer. I hate the shafty, son of a bitch, we're only out to make money of stupid people, free to do whatever they want, you have no legal recourse assholes that run these types of ads. Viva la Resistance!